[Hyper Metal Shadow]

Tails will you Amy and Cream be alright while i go for a quick run? Sonic asks his Kitsune friend
Sure Sonic Tails replies were not going anywhere see you later said Tails
SONIC!!!!! Amy Cries
Sonic with a surprised expression says later Tails and he runs off

Meanwhile an Evil Genius Scientist Called Dr Eggman is hiding nearby and hears the whole conversation Excellent Eggman says with Sonic gone for a little while now is the perfect time to attack and capture his friends hahahahaha and with that he Vanishes

Hey Mr Tails will you come and help me pick some flowers Cream asks Tails

Sorry Cream i am on Guard duty maybe later

please Mr Tails i need someone to help me Cream asks again
Oh alright Cream Tails says come on then and Tails and Cream go to pick flowers

Meanwhile Amy Rose comes into the Area and is shocked to find the Area empty Hello Sonic? Tails? Cream?

Suddenly out from no where comes Eggman and 300 Swatbots well now miss Rose maybe i can help you? Eggman taunts

Eggman!! Amy Shouts Sonic Help but before she can finish her sentence Some Swatbots capture Her and Robotise her.

i don't think this is that great i will continue it if people like it

[deX]

I thought I'd pop to the fan fiction section because they'res always something in here that is out of the ordinary

Guard Duty?

Tails is now obviously delighting himself in the profession of being a guard - how did this come about; you might want to make a prequal and tell us of how sonic's buddy has become a guard.

A guard to a nightclub - a bouncer? Poor tails, his somewhat small stature won't aid him in any particular way with regards to this new hobby?

You have inccorperated a flower scene - what is the significance of this? Maybe you could expand upon this...

Doctor Robotnik is in hiding obviously, but what type of devices is he using with regards to overhearing the conversatation...

Quote

Meanwhile Amy Rose comes into the Area and is shocked to find the Area empty Hello Sonic? Tails? Cream?

I rather like this; for one has built up tension - you express emptyness, only for it to be flooded with that of 300 swatbots - 300?!

Two would suffice surely?

The ending to your story ends with not a cliffhanger (which I would have advised) but rather Amy the hedgehog becomming robotised - good luck making a sequal, for by killing of a character as central to plot development and character development as that of Amy Rose, one has done oneself no favours.

I rather enjoyed it and would like to see more of this story in a sequal

Right, i'm off to bed..

This post has been edited by deX: 28 January 2005 - 08:48 PM

[chaosknightmare]

pretty good....i suppose deX said the main points..