[CClev414]

Name – Conner the wolf
Age- 15
Height- 100cm (3'3'')
Build- 35kg (77lbs)
Eyes- black
Fur- Grey and white
Gender- male
Attire- looks like sonic but with claws and short fangs and his fur is white
Species- wolf

1- Wisdom (strength x1.5, agility x1.5)
2- Mind shield (3 vitality)(cost 1 of partners vitality to project to him or her)protects 9 damage
3- Weak spot (enemy’s agility –2) strength x1 (strength –2) Conner hits the enemy's pressure point making him unable to move
4- Snow spin dash (strength –3) (strength x3)it leaves a snowy mist that decreases the amount of speed needed to dodge

Strength- 16

Agility- 16

Vitality- 18

Back story
Conner was found as a baby wolf by wolfs and raised by wolfs. He was very wise and calm his whole life. When he was only 7 because Conner out smarted a hunter and was challenged by a 20-year-old wolf. Conner won without a scratch on him. The 20 year old under estimated Conner. Every move he dodged it, and Conner only used his feet and was as fast as light yet so calm during battle. Conner had a strange phycic . Egg man robot attacked his village of wolves leaving everyone dead but Conner. Conner searches for his true family and wants revenge on Egg man robot. For now he travels the ice cold forest he lives in.

Personality
Wise, calm and serious

Example Post
(This is when Conner faces the 20-year-old wolf)
Older wolf “Ready kid your going to be easy to kill”
Conner grabbed a sting that was on the floor and said “Mother please tie my hands together don’t ask questions”. Hi mother did what he said and Conner said, “I’m ready”. The older wolf scratched at him lots of times but he kept on jumping (16-2=14 Agility) but Conner got tired yet he didn’t show it. The older wolf did a scratch right at him but Conner jumped back and then jumped forward at a high speed tackling the older wolf with his head (strength x1= 16 damage) the older wolfs eyes widening from the surprise of pain the 7 year old gave him. While the older wolf was hurt he quickly used weak spot hitting the older wolfs pressure point (strength –2) (strength x1= 14 damage) (enemy’s agility –2) the older wolf was on the floor now howling of the pain. All of a sudden a rush of anger was on his face he dashed at Conner so fast he was able to grab Conner, Conner seemed to have a little bit of worry but was still calm. While the older wolf lifted up Conner getting ready to throw him into the roof of the cave but as he was lifting him up Conner gave him a kick to under his chin (strength x1=14 damage). He threw Conner high enough that he was over him and Conner flipped dropping his heel on to the top of his head (strength x2=28) knocking him onto the ground. Conner landed on his toes and had a serious look on his face as the older wolf got up Conner launched a kick to the older wolfs stomach (strength x1=14)(18-2= 16 vitality) but Conner was tired so he said “ I am going to finish this” in a soft voice. He started a spin dash, all the wolves were staring at him amazed because no wolf could do that only a hedgehog could. The older wolf looked as if he was paralyzed and as Conner charged a spin dash he turned whiter. He was almost covered fully in ice and snow and he launched him self at the older wolf. He hit him with his “SNOW SPIN DASH” (strength –3) (strength x3= 33 damage) the older wolf was knocked strait in to the wall. He was so injured he couldn’t move after the battle Conner simply walked toward his corner where he sleeps everyone staring of amazement and he just smiled weakly.

This post has been edited by CClev414: 07 January 2009 - 07:27 PM

[NiGHTS Noob]

Seriously, a half breed? And a wolf-hedgie none the less. I'm sorry, it's just I ranted about wolf, hedgie, fox, and echidna fusions a while back. It's your choice though, so if you're sure then I'm not going to stop you, but be sure to commit to that design, and turn it into something cool so I'll regret opening with this paragraph.

Other than that he doesn't look like he's got a terribly cliche backstory or anything so I'm going to have to compliment you on that. I would try to give some explanation to the psychic powers, whether from lineage or science (as long as you don't use the emeralds, just about any explanation should work fine, and even the emeralds could work if it doesn't interfere with canon at all.)

Also, he can't really have a Chaos Emerald since that kind of screws with canon, but there's plenty of easy things that can be changed too.

Now for the Slots:

You need to have explanations, as to what everything does. What does the mind shield do exactly? How much does it protect you? Can it be projected to others?

I don't really get wisdom? Is that intended to be a buff? If so, you can only buff either agility or strength by 2, or both by 1.5, you can't do both by 2.

What does weak spot do? From what I'm seeing it's a normal attack that takes 2 extra strength and lowers the enemies agility by 2 if it hits. Or does it take 2 extra agility to dodge for every strength point you put in it at the cost of 2 initial strength points? Or did I miss it entirely?

Snow spin dash is equally confusing. So it takes 2 strength, does 6 damage, and restores your vitality by 2? That's way to powerful if that's right, because vitality is the be all, end all, stat. You should probably take away the regeneration and make it cost more, as well as giving it some other special ability. Like, if it's snow, maybe it shoots up a snow like mist that decreases the amount of agility Conner needs to dodge for a short while. That's just a suggestion though.

Also, learn to use commas, and make sure you proof read, a couple sentences are a little iffy in what they're trying to say. A few commas in the right places would do wonders for 90% of your sentences though.

This post has been edited by NiGHTS Noob: 06 January 2009 - 12:27 AM

[CClev414]

I tried to fix it, he is no longer a fusion, and i tried to explain the four slot moves

[NiGHTS Noob]

OK, Mind Shield and Wisdom are looking much better, I'm not sure if 3 for 9 is a fair trade off, but since it's Vitality it might be. I'll have to ask Pyroman since he's the runner of the RP section. Change the +'s in Wisdom to x's though, it's a multiplier.

As for the other skills, what's this strength xwhatever business? I don't get it.

Oh wait, I got it after reading through your example post. Let me explain something: When you attack, you use Strength, that amount of Strength that you choose to use is subtracted from your Strength total leaving with less strength left. It doesn't matter if it's a normal move or a special move, it still subtracts from the stat. Blocking and avoiding also subtract from the stats blocking sucks up strength, and dodging takes agility.

If this doesn't look fair, don't worry, since everyone is like this it balances out quite nicely.

As for how your skills are written though,

Quote

3- Weak spot (enemy’s agility –2) strength x1 (strength –2) Conner hits the enemy's pressure point making him unable to move

Should be something more like this (this is only an example, you don't have to follow it exactly, this is more for format then anything):

Weak spot- Connor strikes an enemies pressure point, making them unable to properly move. Costs 2 strength, Weak spot is added to a normal attack and if the attack is blocked or connects it takes away an equal amount of Agility as the power of the attack. eg. If you spend 6 strength, 2 is for Weak spot, 4 is for attack, and if the opponent blocks they lose not only 4 strength, but also 4 agility.

In a similar fashion, maybe Snow Spin Dash would look something like this (once again an example):

Snow spin dash- costs 3 strength, not an attack, but an evasive maneuver. By whipping up snow storm like conditions, Connor lowers the amount of Agility needed to dodge for his next 3 posts by 2.

Also, your example post is written awfully since it has no commas. Try to punctuate with a little more than just periods.