[Fireblaze]

Still looking good, but it's a little bit random. The fighting part was pretty well written.

[SuperSonicComix]

Whats random about it? If you mean the monkeys, how else would i introduce them?

[SuperSonicComix]

Shock stared down at the limp body he still held in his hands. He felt a tear drop from his left eye. It splattered on the body, and rolled off. Cloudy was dead. He felt like it was all his fault. He got up slowly. He walked to the very outskirts of the town she lived in-where he could not be seen-and dug a hole. He tenderly set Cloudy's lifeless body inside the hole, and recovered it with dirt. He found a large rock, and mounted it on top of the makeshift grave. He took a very sharp rock, and engraved what..Well, what you normally engrave on a gravestone. He then just walked. Nowhere in particular. Just walked. He then found himself walking east of the town to a cliff. He didnt care. He walked right to the cliff edge. He began to almost let himself drop, but he was grabbed from behind.

"Hey, what are you doing!?" A all-too familiar voice said. Shock slowly turned around, but saw noone. Then he turned back towards the cliff edge. And in front of him, covered in dirt, was Cloudy. "What are you doing, trying to bury me alive?! Then almost committing suicide?" Cloudy demanded. Shock was too surprised to speak. "I had only fainted, you idiot!" Cloudy resumed shouting in his face.

"Sorry.." Shock said.

"Sorry?!" Cloudy snapped. Then her face softened. "Nevermind. Well see if you can live without me." She then shoved shock out of the way, and began to run back to Rabbit Town.
_______________________________________

"Damn, hes strange." Cloudy thought, still racing back to town. "Tells me im pretty, pretends to like me, then tries to bury me alive!"

"What are you doing on MY side of town, Rabbit?" Someone asked. Cloudy stopped running. She turned around, and saw another rabbit leaping at her.

"What th-" Cloudy gasped, as the Rabbit crashed into her stomache. Cloudy blacked out.

When she woke up, she was lying on the cold, hard, ground. She slowly lifted her head. She looked around. Seeing that noone was around-That would care who she was-, she resumed her run back home. When she got there, she opened the door and walked in. "Home at last.." She said, breathing in the warm air. Wait..Warm air? She had doused the fireplace when she had left with Shock..She looked to the fireplace, afraid to find what was there. Sure enough, the fire was blazing inside the fireplace. Sitting right in front of the fireplace, on a pillow, was someone wrapped in a blanket. "Who are you?" She called to the stranger. The stranger slowly turned around. Inside the blanket, there was...

Nothing. NOTHING! The blanket fell to the ground. Cloudy leapt backwards. Her fur was standing on end. She smothed it down, and walked closer..Closer..to the blanket. Then she screamed.

This post has been edited by SuperSonicComix: 02 January 2009 - 12:41 AM

[Cookie the Kitsune]

Who's the guy? Is it the monkey?

[frostspine the hedgehog]

ouch, poor shock =[

[SuperSonicComix]

Yep. Dissed. Right when he was about to commit suicide, too..=O And its not the monkey. It is -...Oops almost gave the storyline away...Ok ill work on this more after dinner. Cookie, frost, will you guys be on tomorrow morning? Thats when ill work on this more, and work on the comics.

[Cookie the Kitsune]

SuperSonicComix, on Jan 1 2009, 06:54 PM, said:

Yep. Dissed. Right when he was about to commit suicide, too..=O And its not the monkey. It is -...Oops almost gave the storyline away...Ok ill work on this more after dinner. Cookie, frost, will you guys be on tomorrow morning? Thats when ill work on this more, and work on the comics.

I have no life, of course I'll be on!

[SuperSonicComix]

I have no life either, practically. Cept' feeding the animals and stuff like that..

[Cookie the Kitsune]

Well, that and school... and telephones... and video games...

[frostspine the hedgehog]

SuperSonicComix, on Jan 1 2009, 05:54 PM, said:

Yep. Dissed. Right when he was about to commit suicide, too..=O And its not the monkey. It is -...Oops almost gave the storyline away...Ok ill work on this more after dinner. Cookie, frost, will you guys be on tomorrow morning? Thats when ill work on this more, and work on the comics.

I have a life, but I will try shock

[SuperSonicComix]

Well i homeschool and i keep my laptop with me, so i have a lot more time to be on. Im not saying i have NO LIFE at all. I have friends, i go to their houses, i do my chores, do school, study. Im going to stop talking about lifes and whatnot..

[SuperSonicComix]

Cloudy stared at a hedgehog, lying on the floor, asleep. He wasnt trying to scare her. He was just walking in to rest. "Man, more and more illegal hedgehogs are coming in, arent they?" She thought. She crouched down and poked him with one finger. He didnt stir. She poked again, this time harder. He opened his eyes slowly.

"Wha?" He asked. He was light blue, with spines sticking out far from his head. He had fangs, and claws sticking through his gloves. He wore all black. He had gray boots, worn from his traveling. Cloudy examined him closely. (Not TOO closely, im happy to report) He had ice in his fur. He fell back asleep. Cloudy tried to scrape the ice out, but it seemed attached. (Which she later found out, that it was.) She went to prepare food for him. She finished it, and brought it back. She found him sitting in front of the fire. He was obviously trying to warm himself. He whirled around. "Huh?" He said, surprised. "Oops! Im sorry, is this your house?" She nodded. "Ok, ill leave right away."

"No, dont, its okay." Cloudy said, sympathetically. "You can stay for a little while."

"Thanks!" He said. He eyed the food hungrily. "Whos that for?"

"You." She replied.

"Thanks!" He sat down and ate the food fast. "My name is Frostfur." (O.o)

"That explains alot." Cloudy observed. "The ice in your fur does not melt when you sit in front of the fire. Why is this?"

"I dont know." Frostfur said. Lets just call him "Frost" from now on, okay?

"Where are you from?" Cloudy asked.

"I dont remember." He said, tiring of the interragation.

"Are you thirsty?" The questions came like speeding badniks.

"I dont kno-.." He said, getting used to saying the sentence. "I mean, no im not. I have water inside me that gives me water when i need it. Or, in the worst case, my ice will melt into my body, and replenish my stock of water. And when i finish drinking all the water, the ice grows back quickly."

"Wierd..But cool." Cloudy said.

"It is very strange. I do not know how it happens." He agreed.

[SuperSonicComix]

Yay! I learned me some animations! (No, im not emo. I just thought of the avatar animation because i needed something that would use alot of flipping, rotating, slowly adding detail, and whatever. ) Untill this catches interest again, i wont be updating the story.

[SuperSonicComix]

Shock stood, amazed at how he had just been treated. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, and began walking back to the forest. He walked and walked untill he grew very tired of walking. luckily, he made it right inside the forest, so he wouldnt collapse in a illegal spot. He managed to make it to a tree. With the last of his power for that day, he shocked the tree, and spoke a few words describing what he wanted the electricity to do. He wanted it to burn the inside of the tree, making it hollow and big enough for someone to sleep in. He crawled in and fell asleep. He had a dream that he was being chased by a monster through a strange crystal cavern. He woke up, sweating badly. "I need a bath." He observed, walking towards a stream a few yards away. He hopped in and began to scrub himself. When he was done washing, he jumped out. He shook himself to get rid of the wetness. "Brrr!! Its c-c-cold out h-here!" He stuttered. Then he jumped into the hollow tree, and started a fire in front of it.-the normal way- It took him awhile, but he didnt want to exhaust himself the moment he woke up using his powers. He soon had a good fire going, and it warmed him alot. He then crawled back into the tree, hoping to get some rest before he was interrupted by any badniks, other hedgehogs,or particularly rabbits.
_____________________________________________________________________

Cloudy the Rabbit sat there, watching the strange blue hedgehog. He had fallen asleep after the questioning, and Cloudy didnt bother waking him. She felt a particular longing for Shock. She felt sorry for treating him as she did. "But i wont go find him...Yet." She said to herself, quietly. "He'll think im a wimp or something." Frostfur stirred a little, but didnt wake. Cloudy slowly got up, and quietly took a walk to the forest. She got to the edge of it, and she stared at the forest before her. "Here goes.." She said, taking a deep breath. Then she started walking into the forest. She heard silent breathing somewhere. She whirled around, and saw smoke coming from somewhere. "A Fire!" Was her first thought. She sprinted to the spot, but saw only a small campfire, and hollow tree. She began to walk towards the tree, then she saw what was inside it. Some sort of yellow ball. She hid behind a tree as the ball moved, and started to part. Turns out, it was Shock curling up into a ball. As he uncurled himself the rest of the way, his eyes slowly opened. He was now sprawled across the floor of the tree. He lifted his head, and blinked. He saw a rabbit ear sticking out from behind the tree. He jumped up, and ran to the tree. He went behind it, and saw Cloudy whimpering behind a tree. When she noticed it was Shock, she jumped to her feet and threw her arms around him.

Shock didnt have any words to say. He stared at her, as she lifted her head and their gazes met.

"Im sorry." She said, tears in her eyes.

"Its okay..Just chill out. You need rest." Shock said. He pulled her to the tree. She layed down, and went to sleep. He went and sat by the fire, cooking food.

[SuperSonicComix]

Omg..I let my cousin work on one part telling him NO ROMANCE and guess what he does? That was the last part. Ill mke somebody die, just wait.

[SuperSonicComix]

The moment Cloudy woke up, Shock was tied up and being hung in a tree by badniks. More badniks were surrounding her. One raised its arm (it was a monkey-badnik) and a razor popped out. He pushed it toward her throat. "NO!" Shock screamed, but then he fainted as he was knocked in the head. The monkey badnik sliced. Cloudy screamed a split second before she died. Cloudy died. She moved on to the Dead Lands. There she will remain.

Shock came to, and the badniks and him were in the same position as before. They watched him. He saw the dead body of Cloudy and said, "You killed Cloudy!"
"We killed Cloudy?" The badniks asked. Their voices sounded like a robots, obviously.
"Killed Cloudy! You Bastards!" Shock returned. He felt a tugging in his stomache. He felt a surge of energy. Then he closed his eyes and concentrated all his thoughts and feelings and pushed away all memories and thoughts except the feeling in his stomache. He concentrated. He heard a loud 'ZAP!' and he opened his eyes. He was falling from the tree and onto the ground. "AHHHHHHHH!!" He shouted as he fell. He smacked onto the ground and let out a 'Oof!'. Then he jumped up immediatly. All the badniks were lying on the ground, destroyed. Then one by one, they exploded. "Phew!" Shock said, with a sense of humor, despite his situation. "I was getting tired of that south park feeling. Then he looked at Cloudy's dead body. He didnt bother burying it this time, but not because he feared she would wake. He just remembered a old myth he was told a long time ago. It was a way to bring people back from the dead. He had to travel to the Dead Lands. A dangerous place..It would take a lot of nerve to get there. Shock didnt have nerve. He had anger. Big amounts of anger, coming up inside of him. He felt a burst of power in his feet and shot off the ground. He was in the air. "Huh." He thought. "So it happens when i least expect it. I need to find out how to make it happen whenever i want it to." He was still flying. The only way to the Dead Lands was to fly to The Crevice, a big crack in the earth that led to the Dead Lands. He wasnt sure what altitude he had reached, but he decended bit anyways. He continued flying till he was outside of Rabbit Town Forest. He continued flying untill he was past the forest, and was nearing The Crevice.
__________________________________________________________________

Frostfur woke up. He looked around him. No sign of the kind rabbit who had fed him and talked with him. He began to get up. He walked through the house, calling her name, but saw no sign of Cloudy. He would be find without anyones help. He was independent. "Still.." He thought. "Its good to have company when im being independent.." Then he walked out the front door. Rabbits were hopping, skipping, and laughing all around him. "I thought this was a sad place.." He muttered. Then the rabbits took notice of him. They immediatly stopped doing what they were doing and looked at him, with their eyes wide. They pointed.
"A Hedgehog!" One called, in surprise.
"In Rabbit Town!" Another finished.
"Mister Hedgehog, you ain't supposed to be here!" A young rabbit shouted. Its mom took its hand and led it away.
"And why is that?" Frostfur asked, totally surprised at this huge interruption. Then another larger rabbit pushed its way through the crowd that had gathered.


"Youll have to come with me.." He called, cautiously. "Come now, and we wont hurt you.." He drew a little closer.

"Im not afraid of you, you should be afraid of me!" Frostfur shot back. Then the other rabbits began to get closer, fists balled, getting ready to fight. "I cant do this myself.." Frostfur whispered to himself.

"Hey! Back off!" Someone said. Frostfur turned around immediatly. It was a yellow-orange hedgehog, who was running towards him.

Before i go any further, i think ill tell you how Shock got there. When shock was flying, before he got to the crevice, he realied he was hungry. He flew back to rabbit town, and from up above, saw everyone gathering around something blue. He ran in to help. I just didnt mention anything about it earlier.

Shock ran up next to Frost and got into a fighting stance. "Your not the only Illegal here, dude." Shock whispered to frost.

"Good to know." Frost said back. He raised a spread out hand in front of him. He closed his eyes and a burst of icy thorns shot from his hand. He then raised his other hand, and did the same. The rabbits began to retreat, but the thorns hit several of them, causing them to freeze into ice sculptures on the spot. But the cop-type rabbit raised a pistol from his hand and pulled the trigger.

[Movetron]

Fireblaze, on Dec 30 2008, 11:22 PM, said:

Seems interesting, but needs some more before I can really comment.  Anyways, I'm hoping it won't stay romance-y the whole time, I got enough of that with Twilight.
*VOMITVOMITVOMIT*

Seconded.

[SuperSonicComix]

Duchess, you know that was a pretty old post, right?