[TerrawindX2]

Note: The following is optional to read, but I would recommend reading it first to get a basic understanding about how this story was made and what to expect.

The Author's Message

Spoiler

Author's message:

This peculiar story has absolutely no relation or correlation towards any specific video game, comic or cartoon series created by Sonic Team, Sega or Nintendo. It is wholly unlicensed, not endorsed, or recognised by the respective creators of the many different versions of Sonic The Hedgehog. Every single chapter has been cheaply produced, copied, modified, and overly exploitative of the problems associated with the official Sonic The Hedgehog series. Every chapter is ridden with problematic gammatical and speling errors and wrong usage of words, and total contradiction between various explanations, and I do not foresee myself in rectifying these errors, therefore from here on then, every single errors you will encounter are considered as a cheap form of amussment.

This story has been produced for the sole purpose of garnering attention and making money, or more specifically, emptying your pockets and stealing your bandwidth. This story is definitely not for individuals considered to be below the age of consent,, as it is heavily molested with a plethora of references and jokes about various bodily functions that will make a 9 year old squirm.

If you have picked up this book, or electronic file due to mistaking it for Sonic The Hedgehog™, then I must say that it's your damn fault.

By the way, if you had read the Barry Trotter books written by Michael Gerber, and you’re experiencing déjà vu as you read this, tell yourself; it’s just your deliberate imagination. I would advise you not to consider this as plagiarism, but rather, inspiration and heavy influence, which are famous excuses that parody writers today would love to use for their defence against being sued. And I recommend you to read Michael Gerber's works too.

To fully enjoy this book, one must have at least extensive knowledge on the history, current events, and controversies of the series.

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-This book is dedicated to myself and the other jerks who thought this wasn't funny. And also to Michael Gerber, whose lewd imaginations inspired me to maliciously create this story out of absolute boredom.

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The Backstory:

Spoiler

Backstory:

Donic The Hedgehog has to stop a major crisis! Together with his friends (Or slaves, for that matter) Nails the fox, and Buckles the Echidna must stop Yuki Baka from writing the next episode of Donic X! Their reason for doing so? Yuki Baka has finally decided to listen to his fans (or slaves of the show, if you would call it) and decided to include a slew of Fan Characters, but the most horrific of all; he decided to support Donic x Lamey Hoes!

His next saga of Donic X would include the marriage of Donic and Lamey Hoes, Which would be a major nuisance to our annoying hedgehog hero! Archoo comics, Donic's most trusted company, would close down due to controversial issues regarding the divorce of Donic with Smelly A-thorn, which would be deemed unsuitable for kids, as it has been regarded as a mature issue which depicts a two-timing Hedgehog! Worst still, erotically inaccurate Fanfics would spread all over the internet, spamming all Donic FanBoards!

With this Crisis at hand, Sucka of America and Crapkendo, the official sponsors of Donic Team, will face a huge problem regarding outraged parents on the idea of erotically enhancing the cartoon. 4Dicks Entertainment, America’s most trusted animation company, would terminate their license with Donic X, due to the unsuitable content of the next season. If that happens, Donic would be really screwed!

Together with his two best friends, they must venture off into the wild harsh slum-infested cruelty of Real Life and fight off tobacco-wielding DonicxLamey fans from around the globe! Also a threat are his worst annoyance, the lavishly rich Pissover Undywipe, and his famously worst arch-enemy ( Personified as the least favourite character) Dr Ova von Sputnik, or better known as Ovalman! Would Donic finally stop Yuki Baka from writing the next episode, or finally admit defeat in the hands of Lamey Hoes and lose his most favourite comic company? Read and find out!

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Chapter 1: The trouble with Fluffy Fandom


The Undywipes were the most famous family of Diagonal City. They were insanely rich and lived a rather Posh life in a gigantic mansion. But of course, they did not get this on their own. It was all thanks to a short, blue, rather intelligent talking Hedgehog with Blue and Red streaks which would make an Australian Hippie proud. Which it did, actually.

Donic was mostly famous for his immense agility, he was so fast, he could swipe the skirts off unsuspecting women, and eat Jelly Burgers really fast, without choking to death. Ever since the Undywipes' discovery, Yuki Baka had an interest in him. Indeed, Donic never expected that selling his sh|tload of crappy stories would make the bastard rich. The merchandise first ranged from video games for consoles, comics, and finally his own TV series.

But Baka had made one big blunder: Archoo Comics, famous for their freckle faced redhead nerd, decided to invest an acquire rights to the popularity of Donic, and Baka agreed. Thus was the birth of the Archoo Sonic. Indeed, they even created their own cast of characters, which were mostly frowned upon by Baka purists.

The controversy sparked when Archoo created a rather idiotic chipmunk-like character with bucktooth teeth, and had a rather foul-smelling odor named Smelly A-Thorn. That is when Archoo really lost it, by making her as Donic's bride. This had sparked a major war (Which involved a lot of killing and blood) among Donic cultists. Fans of Baka's original work, which featured a character named Lamey Hoes, accused Archoo of being unoriginal and that Lamey was a more original character, as she had first appeared in an unpopular game called Donic CD. Of course, they never gave shit when they heard that Baka was the one who created Smelly for American audiences, because Archoo was an American company, which anime lovers hated most. Americans.

But of course, Donic never really objected into his marriage to Smelly, when the controversial short series Ludicrous 35 years later was created, which featured the couple being married and having kids. He was indeed obsessed with Smelly women with bucktooth front teeth.

But however, his dreams of showbiz became his nightmare, when he was forced to star in the latest hit series, Donic X. He was rumored to be paired with Lamey Hoes, as to what idiotic Donic cultists say, but it was not quite accurate, upon seeing that he was rumored to be paired with Rowdy the Bat ( which ShamblesxRowdy and BucklesXRowdy fans objected.) most of the time.

But to the confusion between the fans of the Donic series*, many had often wondered what was the major deal with the term "X". Some sane and common sensed individuals(which the world scarcely lacked) claim that it was a cliché for animes to include the term "X" as to indicate that it is an up to date and more action-packed version of the series, while millions of ignorant fans claim otherwise, which sparked Donic's worst nightmare: The starting of erotic fanfics(which either portrays his Gaiety, or constant DonicXLamey scenes) But after all, their excuses were of Donic's nudity (to which Baka failed to explain, though many come up with excuses of them being so-called "Fluffies", a term derived for antromorphic characters on steroids with lots of viagra and pink erections.)

* The series in order were: Donic 1, Donic2 and Donic3&Buckles (which was a major controversy when many claimed that Baka was secretly cheating the fans of their money. But luckily, they ignored the claim and treated it as bullshit for the next ten years) then it spawned into the next generation console, the Sleepcast, as Donic Adventure. Then it moved on to Donic Adventure 2( On the GamePyramid), which introduces a rather pointless and unoriginal character named Shambles the hedgehog(Which was the start of the Shambles Cultists...) with an obscured memory of a giant ship called the DORK, and an eccentric, but very much dead, Mary Ironic. Of course, it was a true story, but they accepted the bullshit anyway. Then it was on to the GameGuy Unadvanced, which was Donic UNAdvance 1,2 and 3, and Donic Battle(Not to be confused with Donic the Fuckers, which was later renamed into Donic Championship when it hit the US ) Then the hit-series set foot. Adventures of Donic The Hedgehog broke loose, with improper and zany twists which could make a kid sick of Lewdly Toons, thanks to DiCK. Then, after hundreds of complaints that Donic deserved respect, DiCK created the Saturday Animation, which was where Archoo started off from. Preferably, I could go on about this all day long, but I would rather talk about it In-story.

Donic was sitting on a couch, restless, staring endlessly at a rather blank wide-screen TV. There was pretty much nothing to watch, except a complete and unneeded Rerun of the 4Dicks version of Donic X on all of the channels (which showed how much Donic was famous, to say the least. After all, many 4Dicks purists are indeed, Dicks themselves.)

Suddenly, something sprang into his mind. He decided to turn on the TV, and moved onto Channel 666. It was his favourite music program, STV, and it was showing Donic Underground. It was a hard rock music video, with constant swearings, featuring himself, and his older siblings Moron and Donia. It was his source of comfort, really, and he was one of their biggest fans... of course, who doesn't love oneself?

The music in that program was god awfully sweary and scary. In fact, it was so violent, If there was any music in that program that did not have the word "Satan" or "KILL" in it, would be considered a ballad.*

*cue for deja vu


Donic watched and laughed as a sodomised victim in the program gets raped and cut into 10 bloody pieces and set on fire. He kept on laughing as he reached out for some coke and tobacco. He really loved smoking cigarettes. You should have seen him when he once convinced the children of the world that smoking is healthy( Because the kids were insane fans, of course) It was also in that very first Donic X episode which he once convinced the children to "drive fast cars carefully" to which was mistranslated into "Drive cars really fast when catching a hedgehog" by 4Dicks entertainment. That is the reason why so much shit was happening on the road when President Bush rose into Power( to which many believed it was his own weakness, ignoring the fact that it was 4D|cks, whom they supported so much, they ignore every single bad deed they had done. Not even when Fans complained about the bad Voice acting and the mistranslation of Biga$$ control in the first episode).

As Donic was continuously smoking and coughing (which he believed that it was the sign of GOD sending a message to him) on his tobacco, he accidentally spilled his coke on the sofa, and his cigarrette fell as well, which created a massive fire in the living room.

"Better get outta here before the Undywipes kill me..." he muttered as he sped off out of the room. Much screams were heard in his flight. "Poor Bella..." he muttered. "Well, gotta blame it on Pissover again." he grinned as he ran up the stairs.

Living in the comfort of the Undywipe's mansion does not really seem pleasant as everyone had said ( Because those idiots never really STAYED there before...Not really, no.) You wouldn't want to live in a house when your maid is a very attractive yet sexy, with big breasts and round bottom bigass...Well, maybe you could, but you really had to be tolerant of jive talk. 1950s jive talk mind you. And loved chocolate.

Donic was running up the stairs as he passed by Pissover's room. It was a rather large room, with pictures of Donic pasted everywhere. Donic could only imagine how far Pissover would go..."Man, he is OBSESSED with me! Should have let me die in that Toilet Bowl in the first episode..." he muttered. Luckily, it was a relief for him that Pissover was still fast asleep, with his ugly mouth sucking his thumb like a baby. Donic swore he could hear Pissover say within his snores: mmm....Donic....You taste good..." Donic left the room immediately.

As he walked up the next flight of stairs, he passed by a huge study, filled with books ( Donic estimated that 1/4 of them were Donic Hentai*, owned by Pissover.) at one corner of the room, was a rather advanced modern computer that would make Nails proud. Buck was on the computer, staring at the screen.

*Go to www.encyclopediadramatica.com for more info

"What are you doing, Buck?" Donic asked with impudent curiousity.

Buck was startled. He immediately hid the first window and opened the next one, not knowing that Donic could still read the name at the taskbar, which read: "Crazy rowdy old Ladi..."

"Ahem!" Buck gave a fake cough (just to sound like a wise Bastard) "Well, Donic! I am merely researching on my website! www.BuckUndywipe.com!" he panted.

"Not interested...." said Donic as he walked away.”Stupid old asswipe.." he muttered. Donic could clearly hear Buck shouting behind him: “Damn that Spam Speed! I shall rip his balls off!!"

Spam speed was of course, Donic's rival. Spam always tries to outrun Donic in a typing contest. Spam was notorious for making 1000 spams in a minute, breaking world record. He has sent over a million spams to almost every Donic Fanboard on the internet, which explains why Pissover claimed he could not access any of these sites, due to being "Banned" of their IP address (Spam Speed always "borrows" Pissover's computer)

Donic proceeded down the dimly-lit corridor (Which was a good thing, considering the fact that it obscured his vision of the millions of Pissover portraits hanging along the walls), passing by a rather Korean-like tatami room (Donic believed them to be Satanic, to his amusement. He was never really a religious person anyway). He stopped to look inside, Out of impudent curiosity. Again.

A rather thin and skinny Chinese-looking man knelt at the altar, with his hands together, praying. It was Fagata*, the Race-obscured Asian-like butler. Fagata was always the most loyal to the Undywipes. He always follows any order, even to the DEATH. Recently, Donic caught him giving Pissover a..let's just say he will do anything. Donic moved closer to the old f@g. To his amusement, Fagata was praying at a life-like poster of Ruby* with decorated candles which reeked of foul-smelling incense paper straight from India. Fagata was indeed obsessed with people with jewel-like names.

*Fagata was the only Asian to be featured in the entire Donic series as a homage to Yuki Baka’s home country. Too bad he wasn’t the best Asian character either, but it was what Baka could afford.

* Ruby is Diagonal city's most famous cop. She is a real hotass, literally. Anything she sits on, melts instantly, which explains why many toilet seats were thrown to the dumps when she had diarrhoea last year. Her name is literally based on jewels, to which Baka could not explain when he decided to involve Rowdy (which of course, spawned the infamous RowdyxRuby lesbian fans...) into her life.

"Hey, Fagata!" yelled Donic, smiling with an evil grin.

Fagata turned around. As though a puppy, he wagged his butt and crawled towards Donic's knees. "What the hell are you doing!?" yelled Donic as Fagata began to pee on his hippie-like sneakers.

"Master Nails asked me to be a son of a bitch, so I am following his orders, Donic-sama! (to Donic's annoyance, he always hated it when Fagata speaks with a Japanese accent.)

"Oh... so this is how it happened..." said Donic.”Damn that Nails. He made me lose my best shoe! Anyway, Fagata! I order you to put out the fire downstairs in the living room. Do whatever it takes to frame Pissover!" Donic grinned.

Fagata looked up, wagged his butt and barked like a dog on mating season. Fagata ran out of the room on all fours, crouched like a Siberian Husky on crack, minus the fluff, leaving a trail of puppy piss behind.

"Now, to find Nails... what the bloody hell is he up to, anyway?" said Donic, with total disregard of how the surrounding people might react as to seeing him talking to himself. After all, every anime-based character has been known to Monologue with total disregard of their surroundings.

(Part 2 of chapter 1 shall be coming up when this post gets a proper response)

This post has been edited by TerrawindX2: 26 November 2008 - 04:18 AM

[TerrawindX2]

Bumpalicious. I need at least an insult to keep this going here. Or some fucked up review. Anything goes.

[Mr. Retro]

Fine, you want fucked up review? You got it.

Oh God, Donic makes me so horny... I just want him soooo bad.

... I think I died a bit writing that. Hope you're satisfied.

[TerrawindX2]

DeadlyBandages, on Dec 7 2008, 10:03 AM, said:

Fine, you want fucked up review? You got it.

Oh God, Donic makes me so horny... I just want him soooo bad.

... I think I died a bit writing that. Hope you're satisfied.

That will do, DeadlyBandages. That will do.

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Donic ran further down the corridor, with total care as to not slip in a puddle of sticky white liquid which sat below every Donic poster; Donic did not wish to think about what they really were at the moment, because every thought of Pissover made him sick to the stomach.

Donic ran straight for the attic at the end of the sticky-liquid-infested hallway. Donic swore he could see an unevolved* non-talking pregnant rat drinking the stuff. If Donic's theories were right, every rat in the house would look like Pissover, to his horror, but also to his satisfaction, as he gets to kill them. Painfully.

*In the Archoo Donic universe, the real reason why previously dumb animals could suddenly walk on two legs, wear Gucci and Prada and swear in your face was because of an apocalyptic incident involving milk and cheese which wiped out all humans, leaving the animals to enter a massive orgy for thousands of years until they learned how to do it from doggie to missionary style.

Donic entered the attic door( with the NO-PISSIES sign pasted all over, which the undywipes ignored) and saw Nails sitting on a rather old beanbag, playing a copy of Donic Heroes on the Polystation 2.

The attic was really a desolate and crappy place. Everything about it was terrible; there were mushrooms growing at the window panes, the roof was unpatched, the floors were shriveled, everything about it resembled the same attic from "A Number of Immaculately Unlucky Happenings" starring Jin Carry, which, to Donic's surprise, WAS indeed. But at least, to Donic's opinion, was a hell lot better than the rest of the Piss-infested manor.

Nails was indeed, a rather super-intelligent Fox. Why Baka had the idea to create such a ridiculously overrated Einstein is beyond anyone's comprehension. Crapkendo certainly had the tradition of creating strange and illogical characters out of thin air. Their first was of course, Flabio, to which to this day spawned millions of anti-Donics.

Nails was born with two long Tails to which Donic ignored when he noticed his rather sharp nails which could blow Bipley's swallow it or don't to kingdom come. His brain was so super intelligent, it makes Einstein look like an arse next to Frankenstein.

"Hey, Nails, have you seen Lamey?" asked Donic as he scanned the room, in hopes that she would not be around. After all, it was his nature to push off pretty women who liked him, which spawned the rumor of his gaiety. Silly Donic.

"Negative. The psychological factor that recedes within your nervous system and the temperature of your sweat drops which drops to a degree of 6*C indicates that you are experiencing a phobic reaction" said Nails without taking his eyes off Donic Heroes, whatever that means. Sometimes his super intelligence got in his way of speech.

"Okay, now stop the crap and speak like any old chap. I had no idea what you just said" asked Donic, sounding a bit irritated, and throwing in a fake British accent.

"I said, No. She isn't here. You look scared" said Nails, with an obvious tone that he is having difficulty in 'speaking the language' as what Donic called it for that matter.

"Well, Good. And you owe me a new shoe. Fagata pissed on me, thanks to you." said Donic." Just what the hell happened?"

"Fagata couldn't stop bugging me to give him an order." said Nails, now sounding more civilised than ever. Thank God.

"And you couldn't think other than THAT!?" yelled Donic.

"you taught me that. No objection there." said Nails, with a bit of sarcasm into his voice. Ignoring Donic's continuous rant, "I don't get it.. Why does this game suck donkey’s testicles?" he said, kicking the box cover and throwing it back at the Shambles Game. "It seems that every single game based on a character other than YOU gets a second hand pass to the trash!" Nails exclaimed. True enough, he had two of his own games, Nails's Fly Patrol ( A game where you had to fly around collecting Zipper handles and returning them to their respective trousers) and Nails's Adventure( Which was absolutely unlike Donic adventure, and was ten times slower and more tedious; fans only enjoyed sending him down pitfalls) which of course, were flops of their own. Nails denied that being the main character himself was the cause of their failure.

Suddenly, Buck came running up the stairs, smelling like trash. His shoes were all wet and sticky, to no surprise. "Donic, you have GOT to look at this!" he yelled as he opened the window. There was constant yelling outside.

"WE WANT DONIC! WE WANT DONIC!" yelled the voices. Donic moved towards the window to look outside. Obvious enough, hundreds of Donic fans were waiting outside, carrying signposts of "I LOVE DONIC" and an occasional "DONUC SUX Nails ROX”. Donic clearly did not enjoy this. You should have seen the time when his fans almost ripped him from limb to limb.

"You see what is happening? All of your fans are tearing us apart!" he yelled. "They have been ripping parts of our house to be sold off at Auctions to the highest bidder at Ebuy.com! Just now, I saw a Toilet Seat worth 2000 bucks! And now, St Ripper's hospital wants samples of My DNA to clone me 2000 times just to trade in for that A$$wiper! As if Money isn't enough! " he ranted, even though signs of "I Don't Care" was obviously clear on Donic's face. He probably just painted it on with his super-fast agility.

"What's your point in telling me this?" replied Donic as he wept the 'I Don't Care' sign off his face.

"I am telling you this, because if you do not stop these fans from tearing us apart, soon the entire Mansion would fall apart! Where would you be, then??" Bucked yelled with rage.

Donic actually pictured himself in a bathrobe surrounded by women clad in thong bikinis while sitting in a Jacuzzi at the Hitlern Hotel, with all expenses paid by Crapkendo and Sucka. He certainly knew what to do in case the Mansion is no longer a safe place to live.

"DONIC! Are you dreaming about Hitlern Hotel AGAIN?? I TOLD YOU that Pissover wouldn't like that! Even so, Italy Hitlern is still busy shooting her adult films!" Yelled Buck as he stomped on the floor, accidentally stepping on Nails's toe, causing him to jump in agony and knock his head on the Television, which gave an ear-shattering shatter.

"How the hell does he do that?" Donic thought. But of course, Donic could not bear to actually do it, because it would be such a sin to go against his promises to the one who saved him out of the toilet bowl in episode one. Sometimes, Donic actually wished he had never heard Pope Johnny Pal 2nd's sermon on the Miracle Channel. Recently, he has been switching to Opera Witchery.

"Okay, okay, I will take care of it" Said Donic, reluctantly. Donic walked towards the window to face the hundreds of screaming fans. Now, one of them was holding up an "I AM PRO PISS" sign*.

* In fact, since Piss was the one who rescued Donic from that toilet bowl back in episode one (it was a fateful encounter which intertwined their fates forever, all thanks to Piss's uncontrollable bladder urge that night), Baka reluctantly agreed to allow Piss to be one of the casts. This mistake had caused a spark in the hatred of a thousand Anti-Piss fans. Many complained that Piss stole most of the character's limelight, and always blocks the camera view when something 'interesting' goes on, to which they believed 4Dicks used as a censorship tool.( In the Japanese version, Piss was digitally removed from camera view.) Some fans say that Baka was blackmailed or drugged, or even hypnotised into taking Piss in. Pisslovers disagreed to this, only to end up brutally massacred the next day. Nevertheless, this was the reason why the Undywipes were rich. But still, the rumor of the similarities between Pissover Undywipe and Pissover Eagle from Whiney the Poop spawned across the internet, causing further controversy.

"GO AWAY! YOU CANNOT STAY HERE!!!" yelled Donic.

"He says we can stay! Hooray for Donic!" yelled a fan who obviously misheard Donic's true words through the muffling sounds lf screaming fans.

"HOORAY FOR DONIC!!!" the fans yelled. Donic could have sworn he heard someone say "Hooray for Piss!"

"NO NO NO!!! YOU MUST NOT..." Donic tried to yell, but the fans screamed louder. After all, just like the Measles, fans are always overrated and their idol speaks, and they never give a damn of what they are saying.

Fans of Donic were never intelligent or sane enough. It would be a miracle to find really good and honest, non-influential fans among those overrated underestimated wanna-bes dressed in blue wigs and hippie clothing. Donic fans have no lives of their own. Period. At least, that is what Donic thought, after what he has been through with Pissover.

"Shut the fuck up, you apparent arsehole!" yelled Buck satanically and prologically as he pulled Donic away from the window, and shut the windows really tight; to such a force that his fingers got caught in the divider,causing him to scream pretty much like an insane religious folk dictating about Jeehard.

"This is all YOUR fault! You had better keep your mouth shut before you cause any further damage to this house!!!" Yelled Buck in rage, still clutching his broken finger.

"My lips are sealed." said Donic, with such an obvious tone in his voice that suggested mockery.

"By the way, I heard Baka was ranting about something he came up with. God knows that the hell it is, but I am sure it will not cease the oncoming of rabid fans..." said Buck, now kicking and swearing at the window.

"What did he come up with?" said Donic, curiously.

"How in blooming blazes would I know? I just heard it from oncoming rumors! Now, if you will excuse me..."

Buck limped away out the door, suffering from a broken toe due to irritable persistency in kicking on the really solid window. Donic followed after him, and peeked out of the door. What he saw astonished him, gave him a sigh of relief, and a loss of appetite.

Buck spat on the ground in front of the portraits.

Donic felt pretty much happy; considering the fact that having an old man hating every inch of his life was far better than having a sadistic stalker loving every anatomy in his body.

Without noticing Nails's screams of resentment and pain, Donic walked out the door, with so much as a "You coming along?"

Donic really didn't care if Nails would actually agree to follow him. After all, the rumors were half-true; their friendship grew further apart ever since Donic X hit the air, thanks to Baka's "fine" storytelling. At least it would eliminate the interest of insane NailsXDonic fans, and feed anger to Satan (Which obscurely means Saturday Animation) purists who thought it was unfair of their falling friendship.

Donic passed through the spit-filled hallway, to his delight, but in every caution that he would not take a single step on the puddle of spooge lying all over the floor. Donic looked around the hallway, and to his predicament, the pregnant rat lay still; submerged in the puddle of spit. "Sucks to be that b*tch" he said on purpose, because Nails and Buck were in earshot. Buck never really bothered to know who he was referring to, but Donic really didn't care at all.

Walking down the stairs and into the hallway, Donic ducked for cover; seeing as Bella was still busy clearing up the flames between swears, while trying to avoid Fagata's peeing frenzy. Apparently, Donic knew all to well that Fagata never had a proper brain to begin with. Soon, the entire living room would be filled with the scent of ammonia, to his delight.

"DAMN YOU FAGATA!" yelled Bella in a fit of rage, jumping up and down, trying to put out the flames with her tattered apron. Apparently, her chest area was exposed during each bounce. But as how all fluffies feel, human anatomy does not concern them in a sense of erotiscism, so Donic nor Nails never really felt the glories of puberty during that particular incident.

Still feeling unamused by such incident, Donic and Nails set off for the front door, but not before realising that doing such an action would be a death trap, as hundreds... no, THOUSANDS of obsessed fans would be lurking about, ready to rip them to shreds. Not even the back door was safe enough to cross. In fact, they were all over the mansion grounds, camping out and taking tourists photos.

But still, that was the only way out.. no. It wasn't, actually. It was only then that Nails's useless superbrain finally remembered about his blasted Katrina Z. Such and old junk of a plane, supposedly "Improved" from the original Katrina with the help of Buck, would surely suffice in escaping that blasted mansion. With such a highly questionable name, anyone from the southern part of North America who heard that would surely get out of the way.

Donic and Nails both snuck into the east corridor, leading towards the hangar, avoiding Bella's complaints about Fagata's idiocy. Unfortunately that corridor was made of transparent glass that as soon as they stepped into it, hundreds of unwelcome eyes stared at them like they were obsessed cannibalistic children of Honeyball.

"Oh crap" crapped Donic, highly unamused by such folly. "Nails, I gotta tell ya, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YA NEED GLASS WINDOWS FOR?!" he thundered.

"Tell that to Buck. It was his bloody idea" said Nails, irritably." At least the're bulletproof."

Unfortunately, Donic soon realised that his thudering yell was so loud, the bulletproof glass shattered to peaces, bringing much joy to his "Fans".

"Look, guys! It's OPEN!!!" yelled a rather obsessed fan in the background. It was then only he realised that he really shouldn't have said that, seeing as he was flattened and stomped to death the very next second by raging and seemingly impatient fans. Bella would not be very happy about cleaning this bloody mess...

"Well Nails, ya see what you did!?" yelled Donic, pushing the blame. "RUN FOR IT!!"

Soon, the entire corridor was overrun by Donic and Nails fans alike. Most of them were clad in horribly-stitched costumes of them that looked as if they came out of a vodoo shop at 5th avenue...

Sensing danger, and with cheap danger BGMs, Donic and Nails were now in hot soup. No, literally-- imagine yourself in an insulated glass room forever recieving sunlight, and being overrun by hundreds of sweaty, bloody body heat rushing towards you with their howling breaths in a sauna-like environment. Since our heroes are the main characters, it is often suiting for them to refrain from commiting suicide.

Together, they both dashed towards the end of the hallway, where the Katrina Z* stood still, dry, and cobwebbed.

* It is only tradition for geeks like Nails to name every single one of his inventions after a natural disaster, like famous people such as Marthin Luther, Stephen and Larry, all named after the queen's husband, or in similar terms, how religious folk naturally name their children after angels. It started off when he was a little nerdy kid, constantly obsessed with the weather, as well as being naturally bullied by his peers. The last straw came when one of them broke his last invention in front of his eyes, which was really an automated weather device, which when destroyed, brings up an irreversible tropical storm which sends its destroyer to hell. It is not known why such an underage fox would create such a demented device, but rumours speculated that it was for the purpose of an emergency in case of war-- or as an item of revenge. Ever since witnessing the awesome power of the storm which ripped his enemies to shreds, he started to name almost EVERYTHING he owns after a tropical storm.



"Get off me you insolent child!" Nails yelled in a posh accent as he struggled with a Nails-wannabe, before taking out a hidden blaster and shooting him in the chest, busting out internal organs which Donic had trouble wiping off.

"Hey, you just murde.."

"His actions were undoubted proof that he was literally seeking it!" snapped Nails. In Diagonal City, people couldn't care less if you were killed by a celebrity like Donic or Nails. Their fanbase is so great that it would be suicide for the FBI to attempt arrest. Besides, they're still busy catching that Alien Homikid. They wouldn’t be able to win in a court case anyway; Nails was a killer lawyer as he was a killer mad scientist. Literally. And he has the jury eating out of his hands. Not just because they were fans. This incident teaches us a lesson: Never mess with Nails when he's been playing Donic Heroes on the Polystation 2.

Sure enough, Donic hoped that boy had insurance costs in case they had to endure another trial session with Judge Prudy*.


*The last time he went to court was for refusing to sign a boy's autograph. The charges were as ludicrous as the punishment itself. "But Your Honour! How was I supposed to sign on his....--" Judge Prudy interrupted. "Silence! Whether or not you had to sign lengthways or vertically on a person's genital area is still a serious issue if that boy sues! Do you realise how much money was spent on purchasing arrest warrants on your head!?" Of course, Judge Prudy never liked Donic. Her debut TV series All Crap from Sickalotteen studios suffered heavy fluctuations in funds when Donic The Hedgehog hit the TV screen on the Pissme channel. So he was forced to sign the autograph, and one more on her boobs to teach him a lesson that it pays to be clean, and he had to be more prudent in the future.

The wave of fans kept coming; it was as if there was no end to this madness. Not even Nails firing typical bullet shots to the air scared the heck out of them ( The bullet hit the bulletproof glass, bounced off and hit a Nails impersonator right in the eye in the most slapstick humour ever.)

Finally, after much running, pushing, shoving and punching in the most unusual of places, Nails decided to make the most drastic of all options; he threw a Poo Poo Rocket Teargas* at the crowd. Seemingly enough, the crowd did respond; but not in a way Nails expected. Instead, some obsessed fan yelled "Hey look! It's one of 'em Poo Poo Rockets!" and the entire wave of fans hurried to it, and each tried to get it for their own as it scurried away in absolute fear. Soon, a massive brawl soon erupted, and Donic and Nails was left forgotten...

*The Poo Poo Rocket is one of Nails's many corrupted inventions. It is basically a mechanical suicidal castrati Hamster with wheels for mobility and equipped with a biological weapon which would reek a foul-smelling odour (Which if inhaled, would DEFINITELY induce crying) whenever it was threatened. And of course, in traditional Donicness, almost all robots have minds of their own. This one just has as well...

"Hey, nice Distraction Nails! Was that decoy your plan all along?" said Donic, finally acknowledging Nails's superior intelligence.

"No. Not what I expected..." said Nails, covering his nose from the horrible smell emmitted by the awesome power of the Poo Poo Rocket.

As Donic lost much of his new-earned respect for Nails, much of the crowed weren't even deterred by the smell. All they wanted was the merchandise even more than Donic and Nails themselves. Donic would never understand these people...


As the crowd got busy fighting over something they didn't need, Donic and Nails snuck into the Z Katrina, where they found a little Nails fangirl humping on Nails's pilot seat, muttering nonsensical words which suggested something innapropriate for youngsters to know about. She was rid off immediately. I'm not telling you how. Use your imagination.


The end of Chapter 1. Chapter 2: "For Some Reason, Dead Oracles are popular plot devices" will be posted after a proper response.

[SuperSonicComix]

Deadly, you dont think you couldv'e been a LITTLE nicer with the review? Ever heard of sarcasm? Yes? Thats what he was using when he said a fucked up review, in case you didnt know. I think its a good story..But its lacking something. I dont know what. 4/5 I can tell it took you a long time to write all this.