This post has been edited by Green: 08 November 2008 - 11:30 AM
Light the hedgehog
#66
Posted 08 November 2008 - 09:13 PM
OK, I fixed the stats and stuff, and I added a link to Light's story in the backstory so you won't have to write out a whole backstory.
Two things though: The example post should be one post of action from your character showing how you detail things and your likely way to fight with that character or show off his personality. It can be any hypothetical situation that you want, but it has to be a good paragraph or so in length.
The other thing, is that maybe you should change his name to Light, not Lightsonic. Lightsonic implies that he's another form of Sonic, and we try our best to keep our characters out of main cannon. I don't have a problem linking your characters to minor characters or events, but something like Sonic you just have to keep away from. It's not like his name's going to be changed in the sprite comic or anything, in fact, you can just put "Goes by Light" in the name section and I'd be cool with that.
Two things though: The example post should be one post of action from your character showing how you detail things and your likely way to fight with that character or show off his personality. It can be any hypothetical situation that you want, but it has to be a good paragraph or so in length.
The other thing, is that maybe you should change his name to Light, not Lightsonic. Lightsonic implies that he's another form of Sonic, and we try our best to keep our characters out of main cannon. I don't have a problem linking your characters to minor characters or events, but something like Sonic you just have to keep away from. It's not like his name's going to be changed in the sprite comic or anything, in fact, you can just put "Goes by Light" in the name section and I'd be cool with that.
#70
Posted 08 November 2008 - 10:48 PM
None of them are approved.
#72
Posted 09 November 2008 - 12:28 AM
It's not quite long enough, and also, RP's are written in 3rd person, not first. If you fix that part, I'll fix up the grammar and spelling for you. I'd say about double it's length and it'll be pretty good.
#74
Posted 09 November 2008 - 02:17 AM
It's simple, just write like your watching the character instead of being the character. In the omniscient type of 3rd person that we use, you write as if you're looking at the person and watching their actions and then explaining them, but you also have insight into the characters mind and explain that as if you're watching it too.
Instead of: I watched them fight as I analyzed their skills. "You guys think you're tough? Ha, don't make me laugh!" I shouted out to them after realizing they were no match for me.
Try something like: Phoenix watched the men fight, analyzing their skills and strength. "You guys think you're tough?" he shouted out, "Ha, don't make me laugh!" He had just realized they were no match for him.
They say the same thing, but one's spiced up a little and in the third person.
Instead of: I watched them fight as I analyzed their skills. "You guys think you're tough? Ha, don't make me laugh!" I shouted out to them after realizing they were no match for me.
Try something like: Phoenix watched the men fight, analyzing their skills and strength. "You guys think you're tough?" he shouted out, "Ha, don't make me laugh!" He had just realized they were no match for him.
They say the same thing, but one's spiced up a little and in the third person.
#76
Posted 09 November 2008 - 08:56 PM
OK, I think it's pretty much as good as it needs to be now.
Character Approved.
Character Approved.


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