[Eternal-the-Hedgehog]

Name: Eternal
Age: N/A
Gender: Male
Species: Hedgehog
Fur/feather/scale/skin: Soft gray fur
Eyes: Completely white
Height: 1cm taller than Sonic
Build: N/A
Attire: N/A


Weapons/abilities/powers/items

Legendary MP5 (Chosen Wielder- Strength 15): An unlimited ammo MP5.
Vanish: This will make Eternal invisible as thin air.
3 Emeralds (Chosen Wielder): These Emeralds will transform Eternal to Eternal Chaos.
Eternal Chaos: A legendary transformation that triples Eternal's Stats.


Stats

Strength: 15

Agility: 35

Vitality: 5

Lesser Skills: Swimming, Running, Jumping, Stealth



Character Development


Back Story: Eternal was supposed to be a bio-form. Something went wrong, but in a good way. Eternal betrayed his master, who was evil, and went to buy things. Eternal usually likes being lonely. He also likes training on his weapons, strength, and Agility. The thing is, Eternal is a hero who saved many innocents. He knows about Sonic and his friends because of his data. Usually, Eternal tries to search for Sonic. Currently, Eternal wears a black coat, black shoes, and black gloves. Eternal only knows his own powers. He is also aware of innocent bystanders, the ones who thinks Eternal the Hedgehog is a bad guy.


Personality: A hedgehog that is a heroic but shy and lonely.

Example Posts:

Eternal: Maybe you might want to turn back or not, evil.

Eternal: Have you ever trained before?

Eternal: I would rather be alone then facing you.

Eternal: Ever heard of life and death?

Eternal: For the last time, I don't like being with people.

Eternal: Those who are heroic I would like to stick with, but those who are foolish, I do not stick with.

Eternal: I don't like talking...

Eternal: I'm not a troll.

Eternal: Whatever, you're useless to me.

Eternal: You know, you're getting on my nerves. I'm getting out of here.

This post has been edited by Eternal-the-Hedgehog: 22 October 2008 - 09:54 AM

[NiGHTS Noob]

Holy shit, someone actually read the system.

Ok, what you're going to need to do to fix this character are two really small things and one big one.

First is that your stats (Strength, Agility, Vitality) can only add up to a maximum of fifty without any boosters, and with that lesser skill of swimming, his maximum would actually be forty.

Second, your back story needs to be a little bit longer, and the example post is supposed to be one post in a hypothetical situation, not a whole bunch of quotes. Whatever is happening in the situation is completely up to you, but your character should probably either show his personality in some way, or his battle prowess.

Now for the big part. The slot system is something you really need to address. You see, you don't just get to list off your weapons, skills, and items. You get to choose between four of all those things, and whatever four you choose determine your characters fighting style, transportation, and stat usage. Each stat has to have numerical values too, but I'll get to that later.

Fortunately for you, I'm going to say don't use the Heal ability, or the Medical/Engineering kits in your slots. They seem slightly broken considering how much of a physical fighter your character is. Also, unless those emeralds serve some special and important purpose to the character, you can probably drop them. That probably narrows down the choice you have to make, and makes it a little easier to pick.

This post has been edited by NiGHTS Noob: 21 October 2008 - 10:44 AM

[Eternal-the-Hedgehog]

NiGHTS Noob, on Oct 21 2008, 10:42 AM, said:

Holy shit, someone actually read the system.

Ok, what you're going to need to do to fix this character are two really small things and one big one.

First is that your stats (Strength, Agility, Vitality) can only add up to a maximum of fifty without any boosters, and with that lesser skill of swimming, his maximum would actually be forty.

Second, your back story needs to be a little bit longer, and the example post is supposed to be one post in a hypothetical situation, not a whole bunch of quotes. Whatever is happening in the situation is completely up to you, but your character should probably either show his personality in some way, or his battle prowess.

Now for the big part. The slot system is something you really need to address. You see, you don't just get to list off your weapons, skills, and items. You get to choose between four of all those things, and whatever four you choose determine your characters fighting style, transportation, and stat usage. Each stat has to have numerical values too, but I'll get to that later.

Fortunately for you, I'm going to say don't use the Heal ability, or the Medical/Engineering kits in your slots. They seem slightly broken considering how much of a physical fighter your character is. Also, unless those emeralds serve some special and important purpose to the character, you can probably drop them. That probably narrows down the choice you have to make, and makes it a little easier to pick.

Thanks, I'll fix those as hard as I can. Sad thing is I'm not used to these kind of forums. =(


I also forgot that he uses those emeralds to become Eternal Chaos. And I'm not even sure how to use example posts. I've never seen exmaple posts in other forums before...


Thanks for the advice btw.

This post has been edited by Eternal-the-Hedgehog: 21 October 2008 - 10:57 AM

[Green]

NiGHTS Noob, on Oct 21 2008, 10:42 AM, said:

Holy shit, someone actually read the system.

Ya know, I actually made my first character right, first try. And Eternal, one thing NiGHTS forgot to add is to look at other peoples APPROVED characters for examples. You can look at signatures for links to approved characters.

[NiGHTS Noob]

Yeah, I've got twelve of them.

[Eternal-the-Hedgehog]

FIXED PROBLEMS.

[NiGHTS Noob]

Not quite, your stat total still exceeds fifty, and it gets a ten point reduction for every lesser skill you have, so you may want to pick just one lesser skills, or none at all so that you can have 40 or 50 points into your Strength, Agility, and Vitality.

Also, you didn't quite do your skills right. You reduced it to 4, which is good, but now we need to set up those four correctly. A gun cannot have infinite ammo. The chosen wielder on it is fine, but if you have a special skill like chosen wielder, than you get 8 points to divide up among Offensive Power, and Ammo. For every point you put in Power, your weapon does one point of damage for each shot, and for every point you place in ammo, your weapon gets 3 ammo.

Vanish cost of some sort, probably a per turn cost of Agility or Vitality. I'd say 2 or 3 per turn if it's agility and 1 per turn if it's for vitality,.

The emeralds and super transformation can be stuck into one slot. However, they cannot be that powerful. A reasonable super transformation would be one that adds points to the attack and defense of any maneuver you make while an that state, but it costs a hefty amount of vitality each turn ( my character Gambit has the ability to power up, so you can look at him for an example if you'd like to.)

That would leave a fourth slot open, you can choose to put in one of the abilities you got rid of earlier, or multiply your stats. If you choose to multiply, you have 4 choices: 2x Strength, 2x Agility, 1.5x Vitality, or 1.5x Strength and Agility.

Also, you didn't fix your backstory's length, or your example post yet.

[frostspine the hedgehog]

no offense, umm the stats are great and all, but some attacks can do 10 to your health even with defense

[Eternal-the-Hedgehog]

Man, I don't really RP that much. And besides, not really much are actually RPing. I'll fix asap.