[xXSHADOWBOYXx]

CHAPTRER 1:ARK

My names PFC.John bradshaw a G.U.N soldier whos had a well a event filled career. lets start from the start shall we it was my first mission we got a distress call from a Dr.Gerald robotnik about something that had gone wrong on the space coleny ARK.We dident get all of the transmission it broke up about half way through sortly after we got orders from the G.U.N fortress near the city of westopilis to check it out and report on whats hapening when we where suiting up my friend Corprel.ben Heron said "ever been in space?" i replied "no you?" "yea hundreads of times my father fas a scientest on the space coleny" at that moment sardge came limping through the door coverd in cuts and a cast around his arm i said "after that hedgehod again i see what happend to your squad?" "two dead 1 criticly injured" ben replied "ohhhh...bummer" "should you guys be somewere?" he said "ahh yes were heading to the ARK"i said wile sliping a 9mm pistol it to its holster a loud voice came over the speakers "would all delta squad units please report to lunch bay 002" "well thats us sardge seeya" "idiots" he grummbled as we walked out of the armory when we arived at the lunch bay we suited up and steped inside the lunch shuttle. me ben and the rest of delta buckled up and got redy to BLAST OFF!! thats abit cheasey but any way you get the point "10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1.. we have lift off!" god the g force almost broke my neck but it was worth it there it was ARK one of the most butiful sights i have ever seen no one said much when we arived because we discoverd what Gerald was talking about when we arived.IT can only be discribed as an alien this expieriments these things "uhhh OPEN FIRE!!"yelled LT.Sanders we were fire multiple rounds into the things but they just wouldent die everthing from a M16 to a chaingun they just woldent die..plese give me a second..okay im good we were told to split up and hold up some where until back up arived i was running down i hall way when i see this hedgehog run past me with this little girl i thought to myself that hegdehog might be one of those things so i ran after it i ran as fast as my legs could carry me until he stoped and turned to me i aimed my wepon and fired she actully jumped in frount of him "MARIA!" he yelled i stoped droped my gun still not beliveing what id just seen and done he caried maria into a room with was a escape pod room the door was looked but a heard a voice coming from the other side of the door all i heard was ".....this world and its...." after that the door opend i entred the room the pod had been lunhed but the girl was still there bleeding in the corner i rushed over to see if she was alright she was out cold but alive i atemped first aid i couldent call for a medic or those things would hear me so i toke her in an embrace and said i was sorry and that everthing was gonna be okay i shed a tear and at that moment she wisperd in my ear "thats ok i forgive you..." "itll be okay maria itll be ok" i held her in an embrce until she was gone....ill never forget her...

END OF CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER 2 COMING SOON so tell me what ya think

This post has been edited by xXSHADOWBOYXx: 20 April 2008 - 11:33 AM

[Salty Dawn]

Hmm.
Other than some punctuation, spelling, and grammar errors, it's pretty good. There aren't that many GUN fictions out there. I think if you made the pare before they got to the ARK longer, and the ARK part a different chapter (also longer), it would be better.

[xXSHADOWBOYXx]

Salty Dawn, on Apr 16 2008, 09:38 PM, said:

Hmm.
Other than some punctuation, spelling, and grammar errors, it's pretty good. There aren't that many GUN fictions out there. I  think if you made the pare before they got to the ARK longer, and the ARK part a different chapter (also longer), it would be better.

oh yes sorry about the grammer mistakes and the spelling mistakes my keyboards is goin a bit screwy but glad you liked it

[xXSHADOWBOYXx]

CHAPTER 2:FIVE YEARS LATER

Ive became the victim of the bottle just hunched over in a bar in Central city drinking my live away."Wiskey please leave the bottle put it on my tab..." "you know John your just wasting your life in this place why dont you get out and do somethin?" i reached up and grabed him by his coller"LOOK I DIDENT ASK YA TO COMMENT ON ANYTHING JUST POUR ME MY DRINK!"when when i released him i said "gorden *sigh* you dont know what ive been through..."he replied "G.U.N are hireing again lookin for someone to gaurd some emreald they fond" interested i look at him with a grin "where are they hireing?" "oh just at city hall" i stood up and said "right gorden im gettin my job back" so i grab my coat but for a second i paused looked at the gun in its pocket i keept it after i left G.U.N four years ago and thouht of Maria was i willing to use it again...i was and i wanted revenge on the thing that ruined my life Shadow the hedgehog when i stept out of the bar i saw the sun for possible the first time in two weeks i took the bike that Ben give to me before he died he was K.I.A on a mission i think he was killed by that Dr.Eggman guy poor ben died a hero anyway when i arived at city hall the i went straight to the G.U.N sign up station there was a familar face "Sardge! is that you?" "OH MY GOD John i thougt you dead" "unfortunatly" we both laughed at the idea "so ya here for the chaos emreald job?" "sure am" "ok john there is a boat that will be ariveing in about two hours yall get your gear there and itll take ya to where you posted""and where am i posted?" "Prison Island"


END OF PART TWO chapter three will involve John spending the night alone in the vault where they keep the emreald and he meets a very imfomous emreald thief.

Here this is the chapters theme tune

This post has been edited by xXSHADOWBOYXx: 19 April 2008 - 09:16 AM